hey Mel, sounds like you have a good job. I was forced to go to mediation which was a total waste of time. I sat there crying thinking what is the point. Was advised to go sole custody. Some times the hardest thing in life ends up being the easiest. My ex was dating a lawyer so really what chance did I have. Legal aide wanted to start 20 grand up front and that was only the beginning. I wasn't working. I assume he wants a divorce. You have to live separately for 12 months before that happens. You will obviously get your self a divorce lawyer and they will say keep the custody separate from that which is fine unless they owe you money. They will split your assets. Another thing you will come a cross is Child Support Agency. CSA well let me tell you they are horrible, want to slash your wrist by. You will loose 1 third of your income. If tough now it will get tougher. I do hope you have a friend you can cry on and help you feel less alone. I had a lady from CSA call me to tell me to go get a job because my ex couldn't afford the girls. I said excuse me who the hell do you think you are. CSA can not force you to do some thing you don't want to do but legally you must pay for child support. Any I worked it out if I went and got a job we had a second car had pay insurance, petrol and registration and CSA taking 1 3rd I would have had $30 left over at the end of the week. I just looked at my new husband and said well that ain't worth it. So I didn't do it. They will either take it out of your pay packet from your employer or they will send letters. Once the girls were 18 I burned all the CSA letters biggest weight lifted off my shoulders and what a relief. I get why they have CSA but they are not your friend and they will side with which parent who ends up with the child/children and treat the other one like a piece of dirt. I know they are doing a job but there needs to be more understanding from them and I am sure they get abused every day from irate people.

you can win or lose depending on which country you live in. In NZ the law wouldn't let him get away with it if you've been married for 2 + years. Get a lawyer fast. Ask the the lawyer for an up front quote., and/or see if the lawyer will do no cure no pay.. no pay for the lawyer, that is. If that the way the lawyer works the bill will be heavy but worth it. remember...... always hire a rich lawyer never buy from a rich salesman.

Fight for what is yours. This is a challenging time for you but at the same time have faith in god. He is challenging you to see if you still have faith. Don’t give up.

You need a good lawyer to get your justice. Stay strong for your daughter - he will try to break up your relationship with her so it is important for both you and her for that not to happen. Reach out for help - there are people you can turn to, there are others who have been through what you are experiencing now and may be able to help. Don't give up.

Lawyers and courts u have rights too, it's more then money to raise kids, if we only have broken adults raise kids we end up with more broken adults and struggling kids, we need two to raise them same as we need two to make them as a human u have rights fight for them he can't change the fact that kiddos your blood, whether he leaves u broke or not he can't change that no matter what and judhes don't remove rights completely anymore because it is not the best interest of the kids, try mediation to communicate with him on neutral ground the best thing ever as the mediation work is to make sure the kids have a voice in grown up talks without the trauma that comes through his selfish games, if ur considered a risk to child then move heaven and earth to fix it show your daughter that ur nothing short of her mom nothing else, he will attempt to poison her opinion but remember she's got your blood too, she will see him for what he is one way or another, all that matters now is that little girl isn't lost in the fight trust me from experience it's heartbreaking to lose your kid when u have no voice so make sure ur heard and make sure she represented in the design of the rest of her life she's more aware then parents think lose him when ur alone show her she's the only one that matters to u now, wipe her tears not yours, let her be a kid and she will never let anything or anyone ever break her cause her mom is strong so is she

get yourself a lawyer that fights for YOU

Not sure what the laws are where you are but that seems to be highly illegal,

This breaks my heart as I know, just because someone has money does not instantly make them the better parent. In fact, it is proven that it is in the best interest of the child if the parents split if they share the children. I will be keeping you close in my prayers. Keep your faith, be the better person, and pray. My other advice is it would be wonderful if you could attend a church of your choice to have people around you for a support group. Also, when a child is of a certain age, I am not sure what that age is now, but I am sure someone could tell you, the child has a say so in which parent they want to live with. Edited 29-Aug-24 22:12pm

Be practical , do not shy claims your rights and stand bravely, God always with them whip believes in God

Pray about it, because God can see your needs and will help you. Get some fiends and see if a charity can help you. Also see if you can get legal aid.

:( sorry to hear this

I’m so sorry this happened to you and your poor daughter. I would recommend you to stay claim and be patient before you start to do anything to solve the situation. Of course as a mother you do not want anything bad to happen with your kids. Mother always provides what is best for their children. However, do not forget to ask your daughter of what she is really wanted and consider from her decision. I hope you find what best to this matter.

Challenge him, fight him with any means possible, I don’t know the circumstances, but the female generally has more rights to child access than a male.

not sure if you still can BUT I used a solicitor years ago Private one but legal aid paid for it. I wish you all the success and a happier future.

Legal aid definitely but as I gather they are overworked it may be worthwhile engaging a lawyer some how. Mission Australia and others charities although stretched at the moment, may be able to help. Do u have a job ? If not get one , there are lots of cleaning jobs around and sounds like you need the money. See if you can rent a room or share house when you have an income Don’t lose hope There’s a child hurting with how much they miss you , no matter if he tries to lie. Mothers are so important and you sound like an awesome one

Ask him if he wants a psychologically damaged daughter. She has two parents and she needs you both in her life. If you live in Australia I would contact the Attorney General's Department who can guide you through the steps you need to take with the emphasis on resolving issues without going to court.

First of all I am so sorry that this has happened to you, Now do you have a faith if not go to a Catholic Church anyway and ask to speak to a priest or a nun if there is a convent it does not matter if you are not Catholic tell them exactly what wrote here leave nothing out, If there is any reason this happened be honest and tell them so. No mother should be denied access to their child unless they are dangerous in some way. Then find out if you can obtain free legal advice even if in a consultation to find out what your options are and log the dates and every effort you make to contact your daughter and each time you are denied keep our journal of all things that are said to you and try not to have any conversations with him or his family without a witness present at all times. Things will get better if you do not back down and start to take control of the situation. They should also be able to give you resources for a place to stay and by all means keep your job and inform them of the ongoing process before he does. Please keep us posted and let us know how you are doing through the discussions of the day. Keep hope in your heart and never give up the fight

This is horrible and how upsetting for you and your daughter,clearly your husband is a narcissistic piece of work from what you have said.He is only thinking of himself and not even considering the harm he is doing to your daughter by excluding you from her life.I would seek legal advice as soon as possible because what he is doing is wrong and not fair to you or your daughter.Good luck and I hope everything works out in your favor.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Are you in Australia, if so you are probably entitled to legal aid so you should see them first and they will tell you how to proceed. Was there any warning that he was unhappy because it's very odd that it came out of the blue. Don't be too concerned about him, treat him like dust and brush him off, get legal aid and leave it to them. I'm sure he won't be able to keep your daughter from you because usually custody is given to the mother, but whatever you do don't give him any cause to call the police and have a restraining order placed on you. You need to be in the right and not be guilty of anything no matter how small to put you in the wrong. I hope things turn out well for you and that your future will be happier. Put your trust in Jehovah, lean on him and he won't desert you.

You need to hire a lawyer asap, his threats should not stop you from fighting for at least shared custody of your daughter and child support.

What a Wacko! Don't let him flatten you. We here in oz still do care - there are many churches and charities who can give you help to find a way back to your daughter and your own self respect. Face it who wants to get back to him and his horrible family. The child is yours far more than his, you birthed her!

Cruel man. Seek support from one of the many groups out there that aid women in crisis. You may also be entitled to legal aid regarding custody of your daughter. Good luck.

What a rat, stay strong and dont let hime see what this is doing to you, if you are in Australia seek guidance from Citizens Advice or one of the many organisations that have been set up to stop this unacceptable behaviour, your daughter is allowed to have a say where she wants to be he certanly doesnt sound a fit person. Get advice quickly and avoid having to talk to him until you have someone acting for you. Good Luck and look after yourself

Do not show him your fear. Be strong. Seek support. Think of your daughter. Fight.

I am so sorry. Sounds by his nasty comments that you would be well rid of him. Not sure where you live BUT I HOPE IT IS AUSTRALIA. If it is - he would be in for some rude shocks. No matter where you live - there must be somewhere you can go for help. Maybe a local Council or Church group

I am so sorry. Sounds by his nasty comments that you would be well rid of him. Not sure where you live BUT I HOPE IT IS AUSTRALIA. If it is - he would be in for some rude shocks. No matter where you live - there must be somewhere you can go for help. Maybe a local Council or Church group. Do you have Lawyers where you can free advice. You certainly need to help your daughter - or she will end up with someone like her Father. Do not listen to cohersive control.... Very best wishes. Love and hugs from Australia.

Dear Mel every best wish

Unsure of the context and events that led up to this. Get a lawyer.

I would be seeking legal advise. There is lot you can do about this harassment.

If you are in Australia, ring 1800RESPECT or go to Commonwealth Bank and talk to the staff about Next Chapter who will confidentially help you and put you in touch with places and services which will keep you safe.

You need legal advise, be strong and don't let his words scare or hurt you. Just because he has a mouth and money don't mean he has full control of you, stand up for yourself and do what is fair for you. All the best

You need to seek advice, just because he has money doesn’t mean he calls all the shots. You as the child’s Mum have rights, so please seek help, maybe start with somewhere like the Salvation Army. Best of luck

My thoughts and prayers are with you Mel x

Money is not everything, Yes I am aware that it in the USA there is nothing more important than it, but that is the USA the "Land of the Not So Perfect" for you. Surely there are Family Courts which, if they are anything like the almost totally anti-male ones in Australia, females will be treated infinitely more sympathetically than any men are. At best in Australia the father gets visitation rights and occassionally he is allowed to have the chilrem at week-ends and part of the School Holidays - which is as it should be. Those Rights are granted by the Court and heaven help abyone who disobeys. Find a reliable Lawyer, yes she/he will charge a lot but in many cases you may get a No Win, No Fee arrangement or if you win the Court will make the other party pay. Contact one of the Feminist Groups and get a referral from them to a lawyer they have used and trust.

Some women can be really nasty and I see some men also why can’t I just find a nice girl that will love me for the nice person I am and not want to leave me because I am autistic and different to others

There are usually legal outfits that will help vulnerable woman for free. A parent can't stop another parent from seeing a child without some form of proof that the parent is not fit. Also most countries have a law about property ownership if you are married or been in a relationship for a minimum period which is probably different in each part of the world You should also be able to find support groups online of people going through or have been through the same situation. Just make sure as much communication is in writing, texts and emails etc. Any verbal conversations can be recorded on your phone which you can place in a pocket, just test it out before you need it. Good luck

There are two sides to any storey. I only know your side. What would be your husband’s side? Immediately after an office trip if your husband behaves in this manner and takes such drastic action, I wonder whether there should be a valid reason for that? This issue has 2 elements as an answer, one is your husband can be over possessive, suspicious and jealous Man and he can’t stand when you’re enjoying out of his sight. The other is he must be wanting to separate from you due to he’s having another affair, he dislikes you or gravely thinking that you are not worthy to be his wife/mother. Whatever the reason, if you are free of all his blame (innocent party) you can just wait for a period without responding to him. Maybe he will change his mind if he really misses you. Or through a third party you can investigate the true side of his story and respond accordingly. If he truly doesn’t want you, you cannot waste your life on him. You need to find your way. There are thousands out there in your situation, so make up your mind, by law he should give you access to the child until he/she’s 18. Good Luck!

This is so sad but I know what you are going through as I have 3 kids that live with my ex wife and I see them once every few weeks if I am lucky

Legal aid might be a start, they will give you advise. I would keep in touch with your daughter and keep telling her how much you love her. Tomorrow hopefully will be a better day. Smile and the world will smile with you, take care of yourself and all will be well

Sorry

without knowing the reasons why its hard to say

You should cast your into God because he cares for you!!!!!!!

I think you should divorce him and move on with your life.Edited 29-Aug-24 13:27pm

What a horrible person he has no right to say or do that get a lawyer you are entitle to receive a settlement from him

First,go to legal aid and see if you are eligible for help..As hard as it is try and stay positive for your daughter..Onwards and upwards..Not sure what age your daughter is but she will soon see the situation for what it is...

I don't understand why he hates you so much in the first place. What does your Daughter want? She should have the decision on who she sees most.

As broken as your heart is now, there will always be another day. It sounds to me like your husband (if we can call him that) is off on a mighty power trip. I have no idea what you've been through but I'm sure it's been building for a while and you've just missed the signs. Power people are really cowards in disguise. Hang tough, see a good lawyer, keep on the best terms that you can so you don't make this situation even worse, though it will probably get a whole lot worse before it's over. Keep seeing your daughter and talk to her as often as possible. It wont be long before she sees what a creep this guy is and want to get away. Try not to bad mouth the jerk in front of her. You could start a defence reaction. Keep your head held high, shoulders back, because there are better days ahead.

I don't think you can legally just take a child and stop a parent from visiting unless he can prove you're an unsafe parent. You will need to settle this in court most likely so seeking legal advise would be the best thing to do first. If you're in New Zealand you can contact Citizens Advice Bureau and many other places you can get free legal info before taking the next step. I'm not sure about laws overseas so can not speak on behalf of other Countries. For other countries there should be free information provided on Government websites that should be able to give you advice on child custody situation, you just need to look it up and I'd look for you but don't know which country you're from.

That's life, just get on with it, it's hard but true.

Get a good attorney - and never give up your right to be your daughter's parent and have the right to live in your home, or - tell him he will be providing you and your daughter with a different housing arrangement. And then I would have the attorney advise you on IF or HOW he will be allowed to spend time with your daughter!

I am not really sure about this subject sorry Michael

If your living in New Zealand, start with the citizens advise bureau, be honest and real, taking one step at a time…

call the cops on him and tell them what he told you

head up smile on and find you honestly. be your own family and person.

That's tough, I think concentrate on getting your self set up and into a new place to live. I have been through this with my ex and the ex took both the girls. Every one said they'll come around but they haven't so that is hard. Hang in there. I never had the money to fight and my parents that I love seemed to absorbed in their own lives at the time. I did live with them for awhile so they helped that way but not with lawyers etc nor financially either. Keep telling her you love her when you can and trust you helped raise her right. Sorry I can't be more helpful. Hope things improve for you and stay strong.

It's sad world people's with money will get good lawyers. I will pray for you to get daughter back. Edited 29-Aug-24 11:01am

Well Not sure where you live. But there are lawyers and counselors that work on a sliding fee scale all over. Just consider what your clild wants as well. Maybe visitation as I honestly do not think that he can stop you from seeing your child. Also prayer helps if you are feeling overloaded. Good luck.

The way you described “on my way back from a work trip”, likely you may be an independent person. Hope you have at least a trusted good friend be able to talk to first. If u r in Australia, should get help from a pro bono family for help.

What are his reasons for this behavior. You should custody of your daughter and he should have restricted visits. Go to Centrelink speak to them, they will advise you the best way to handle the situation. It is highly unusual for the husband to have this control. He will have to pay you child support for your daughter if she is in your care, also if you are not aware and he has rights to keep the little girl he can claim child support from you. Good luck

Go challenge him. You have a right to your own daughter. Ask God for help. Go seek a counsellor etc to help you. Get a lawyer if you can. If he’s withholding your daughter. Tell the judge about this. It might go in your favour. Cuz he’s a manipulator. That’s not good for your daughter. If you can’t get 100% of your kid. Ask fir 50%. You can do this. Fight for yourself and your kid. Who cares that he has support or money. You get help too. Doctors. Counsellors. Lawyers. Etc.

But what made him tell you that? Was there cheating involved? It's weird that he actually told you that without explaining why.

womp womp

I don't know where you live, but most countries have pro bono lawyers that can help you and some courthouses also have programs run by paralegals to help people navigate family law. I'm sorry that you are in this terrible situation. I hope you can also get some free or low-cost mental health counseling, as I know this is an anxiety causing situation. Praying for you to be able to stay strong fighting for your daughter and that your husband will see the error of his ways! 🙏

Emotional and financial abuse are not tolerated these days, talk to somebody at Relationships Australia or talk to a lawyer that gives a free consultation, they are about. I am, however, assuming you live in Australia.Edited 29-Aug-24 09:59am

That's emotional & financial abuse. Legal Aid, Relationships Australia is a good place to start. 1800Respect.org.au = 1800737732

Also didn't mention that if you work,speak to your employer. You may be able to get reduced hours to fit in with your child's schooling,or even some leave( called compassionate leave ) to be able to make legal arrangements and try and sort out what you are going to do. If you don't work he has a legal obligation to support your child to a percentage of his income going by the last financial leave. Make sure you have a separate bank account for any payments you will recieve and also speak to your bank so they know NOT to allow him to access any funds you do recieve.

Without knowing what country you live in it's hard . The one thing I believe is that both parents have a right to access to a child regardless of income. The only thing that could limit this is I capacity for you to care for yourself and your child( mental illness,your health,criminal background). That being said I would contact the police,explain the demands and threats your husband said. Keep a record or any communication between you and your husband. Seek legal advice,( in Australia we have legal aid,also Anglicare is a good place to go for councilling and other services for support,will help you relocate,give you low cost loans and help replace items. Also in Australia you have a right to stay in the marital home with your child,if he wishes to leave he can do so,but must pay you child support( supplementary income). Also advise to go to Centrlink after to arrange sole family payment which will also help support you and your child. I would say to you don't be bullied,you have rights and just because he has money doesn't mean you are any less important in your child's life. Let him spend money in court,the result will still be that you must share custody. If threats continue you may need a restraining order and if abuse( violent,emotional,etc) go to the police, do not leave your child. It will be considered as abandonment which he can use against you in court. My sister went through this, it gets worse before it gets better,hang in there. And make sure your child knows you love them and it isn't their fault. Good luck,sorry it's so long .

In Australia we have Legal Aid which is free advice. Maybe where you are they have the same. Work hard and with a stable roof over your head maybe it will show that you can have your daughter with you and provide for her. I do not know the situation or what the issues are. I wish you the best

What can I say? Is this site a dear Abby site. Are there experienced organisations for this kind of problem? No country is mentioned.... As things are different from country to country no one can advise you, Apart from ---- Life if full of lemons and pitfalls, only you can make decisions for yourself asking strangers on any site is ????

I agree with Sherree T, very sound advice below,;

I hope it all works out for you the law says you should have jiont custidy of your daughter this is so unfair on you my love and blessing is with you be strong you will get thereEdited 29-Aug-24 14:46pm

Yes, MEL! My daughter fell in love, and married a man that moved her to Florida from Texas, after she sold her home...then told her, "It was all a joke" and to "go back home". She picked herself up, went back to Texas, and took care of her dad for 7 months before he died. She now rents the very home in which he died. You may ask, "What's the point?" The point is, no matter what happens to you, or to anyone, you CAN pick yourself up, and move on with your life. I've done it more times than I care to admit, but it IS possible! Anything is possible if you start serving God instead of men. Matthew 19:26 reads, "Looking at them intently, Jesus said to them: "With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." I was abandoned myself over 11 years ago, but Jehovah God has supplied me with everything I need, and then some! I hope this helps you look to the future, and NOT behind. Remember what happened to Lot's wife? Please read Genesis 19:26! ;-D

Speak to a lawyer you have rights also and are entitled to see your daughter and also a share of assets.

Ask the Holy Spirit for Guidance, Jesus for Strength, God the Father for His Holy Will...pray as I shall pray for you...and everything shall fall into the proper perspective. HAVE COURAGE, IT'SNOT THE END OF THE WORLD! Mel, somebody up there LOVES you.

You got any dirt in that piece of excrement you married? Use it. These people with cash are all the same use whatever means you have to. No retreat no surrender.

one step at a time. First talk to your husband for the reason why he has done this. Its going to be a long fight

Hang in there. You do need a good lawyer

No matter you have support or not, you are a mother and you need to fight for your child. Trust me you are stronger than anybody and you can do anything for your child. Go and fight for your daughter brave lady.

Been there done that but in the end I came off best I was left with two boys to bring up on my own and two mortgages but I am a surviver

can relate although I did fight him in court to get visits

what was the reason you couldnt come back? contact a lawyer to let them know and you can still get half of everything .otherwise even though he threw you out,he can get you for desertion

God Almighty (Jesus) is the ONLY one that can help you. All other gods are dead and in a grave.

Get a good lawyer. Next tme marry a real, Bible believing man.

I have been going through a lot this past year. Just keep your faith and pray. You can and get through this. I know you want to be with your baby girl. Ask for help it may not come the way you want but seek it. I'm in your corner.

I don't know your details but God is the One who helped me the most. I found the most strength going to church, reading my Bible, listening to Gospel music in the car and at home. Contact a women's shelter for advice on where to turn. They should have lawyers' names who do legal aid, or just call layers and ask if they do a free 1/2 hour consult. You can get a lot of advice from that 1/2 hour sit-down. Also remember that you are stronger than you think you are. Your ex has NO authority when it comes to you seeing your daughter. If you are abusing or neglecting her, then you should still be awarded supervised visitation. Most judges give custody to the mothers. Even joint custody where you'd have equal time. IF he was to get full custody, you still get visitation. Separate the divorce from the custody. And please don't spiral and take out your fears on yourself. Put it into action in finding the best lawyer. Use the money from the sale of your home to pay him or her. You may not end up with a lot of money after paying the lawyer, but you should be able to get at least joint custody, if not custody and child support. Your ex is bullying you into doing what he wants. He knows you're scared, intimidated by him. And divorce is about you and him and your child; it doesn't matter if he has a bigger family or support system. As long as you have a good babysitter for when you can't be home because of work, you should come out of this just fine. I'm sorry about your Mom and the loss you still feel there. Your ex is a real dog to do this to you when you're already feeling down.

He's a bully girl so lawyer up and my prayers for for you

That is just anger idol threats towards you. Do not be afraid of his words. It is not about the money. Be proactive and get in touch with a “family” lawyer who will give you your parental rights. In some cases a court appointed child family councillor could be brought in to observe you with your daughter, your husband with the daughter and both of you together to see where the problems are if there are any and what is best for the child. That person can testify in court. Joint custody is given in a lot of cases. If your husband is bullying you, it will come out in court. Be honest and stay strong, not aggressive! I wish you all the best.

If you and your husband are not divorce, then converse with an attorney to determine your legal rights to your house and custody or visitation rights to your one child!

I’ve read what others have written, I agree with the. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless.

Your situation seems tough, but if there is legal aid in your country of residence, find a lawyer who can advise you on how to get through this and then get in touch with your anger and take the fight to him. Get prepared to play him at his own game and if that means a dirty fight then so be it

I don't know what country you are residing but a google search of Immigrant Women's Support Services should be able to help point you in the right direction. Sorry I can't be of more help. Try and stay strong, you WILL get through this.

Praying for strength for you. I don't know your side of the story. What made him do this? Did you have any inkling that he might do this? Time to lawyer up. There may be free legal counsel available where you are that can provide advocacy for you. Chin up and trust that God can turn things around, to everyone's good.

Unfortunately I can't provide advice, but I hope that somehow this can be resolved in a way that is fair for you and allows you some access to your daughter and anything else that matters to you. I will never understand how this can happen - it must be so awful for you. Wishing you all the best.

I would request in writing why is restricting visits with your daughter. Unless he can justify his statement you should at least have visitation rights even if there has to be somebody present. Is he so vicious that he won't let you have her for one weekend once a fortnight or month. Is he afraid you may take her out of the state or country? You can't take your daughter overseas without a passport. A new application has to be signed by the father. He has to let you in to remove your possessions.

Find a good BIBLE believing Church , become a regular attender and you will find what you are looking for. Blessings Paul n Karen