if it wakes you up at I would call if they want to beat the crap out of each other I would just laugh unless you hear something bad tell them to smoke some pot and then order pizza because they got the munchies

I would hate to be the one going to domestic situations, as no mater what happens, both sides normally blame you.

i do not trust anyone ever

Like you I wouldve rung the police but beyond that unfortunately it's out of your control. However one would expect the cops to do a thorough housecall and it sounds like they didn't. Don't hesitate if it happens again. Persist and complain about previous time.

Difficult I would still call the police and ask them to investigate further.

Would I be right in saying the author of query is an American. I say this because in recent years, here in Australia, police attitudes to domestic issues have undergone some very serious adjustments, and I must say mostly for the better, especially on behalf of women. I am the eldest of 3 children, and as a child growing up in 50's and 60's, I was subjected to watching my drunken father come home late in the evenings, and without any provocation whatsoever, bash my mother endlessly. When the local police arrived, and saw that it was my dad, (who, at the time was a local sporting identity), they would tell him to behave and then leave. Didn't really care about the woman, but that was the way back then. Today, the emphasis would be on the safety of the victim and her children, and the perpetrator goes to jail. So yes, police attitudes in today's world are much better than they were when I was a young chap 60+ years agoEdited 12-Mar-25 23:03pm

Yes would have done the same thing.

Yes I would have done the same thing, I think caring for others is extremely important!! SEND AWARENESS!!

People fight relationships are tough most people who are committed to each other kiss and make up others stay together because they feel being alone is worse than being in a relationship that's potentially toxic. The police are those who get caught in the middle of it our good Samaritans the difference between good and evil the keepers of the peace. They are the peace makers. God help those who need it and bless those who keep us safe.

definitely should have said yes - wake her and checked on her

undecided

These days I think that all reports of abuse should be investigated throughly …. Way too many instances of deaths in these situations

And........then too........you have some people who report elder abuse when there was actually none. This happened to us once. My husband is on blood thinners, trimmed three shrubs got some bruising on his arms, a crazy care giver reported me and I had done nothing wrong at all. She lost her job, we gave up the home care we badly needed. Someone needs to investigate her. She was 20 years of age, had home problems, missed work cause of it right after she did this. Me thinks she was trying to get rid of me and move into my home. I treated her like a daughter, but......I was not planning on taking her in to raise her. She had a Mom and Dad. Never found out what her home problems was, just that she called in right after telling the agency she was having home problems. My husbands heart dr. instructed him NOT to sit down and give up, he was told he needs to do what he is able to do. It was his choice to trim the shrubs with hand snippers. He just turned 82 years of age. His skin is very thin, he has an aortic mechanical valve so is on blood thinners. What I would like to know, is WHY didn't the agency train her about blood thinners????Edited 12-Mar-25 20:22pm

You would like to think that they actually checked on the poor woman. It is negligence on their behalf if they didn’t. Policing at it’s worst.

Yes, it could be DV or any harms

They should see all parties in the house make sure that they are safe and well elder abuse is rapidly rising .

Hard call but if a person is pounding on another they need to be delt with appropriately

I would persevere and keep calling the police. It appears it is Elder abuse. Failing that, ring Aged Peoples Concern. Do it when they are fighting.Edited 12-Mar-25 17:48pm

What did you expect the police to do? Shouting and throwing plates is not a crime and unless someone has been physically harmed and that person was prepared to press charges there is nothing the police can do.

One would think the police would be a little savvier than that. They must have surely come across situations like this before, with people putting on good appearances for them and then resorting to their old tricks once they've gone. Perhaps other neighbours have witnessed or heard the same thing as you? Then you can approach the police again with a united front.

Doesn’t sound good, especially when there is so much domestic violence, I would gave thought they should have at least sighted the lady.

I have been a victim of domestic violence. CALL THE POLICE!!! I cannot stress that enough. When my husband came home drunk and assaulted me I had 3 little children. I screamed out the window for the neighbours to call the police and nobody did anything. He had a knife and was stabbing objects in the kitchen while my children woke up and were crying. He had smashed my phone that I was trying to call the police with and no matter how loud I yelled, nobody helped me. You never know what is going on behind closed doors, ring the police! It is better to be safe than sorry. I went to a phone box when he fell asleep and had him arrested. Please don't ever think that it is not your business.

Id have done nothing I dont pay too much attention to neighbors arguments Even if i did calling the cops is pointless when they only show up hours later going by people who HAVE called and not seen a cop for hours, if at all that day One local woman had a guy trying to break in, drug affected, looking through windows, she calls cops, they dont rock up till 5 hours later. So why bother

My daughters have been victims of domestic violence, but they're now out of that situation and avo orders were made by police for thier protection. So I have strong views against violence towards women and if that woman was my grandmother, or family then that man would be paying for his actions towards her one way or another.

Sorry I DO NOT agree about calling Police on neighbours. I wound find another way around it.

the officer where not doing there job domestic violence is every where

I live in a senior complex and one couple are both in wheelchairs with CP, but she screams at him constantly and so loud that you can hear every word out of her mouth from the other end of the hallway with all the doors shut! It sounds like a mother scolding her child! I feel so sorry for that man, but I guess you can't report screaming. I'm just glad I don't live in that same hallway as them. Ridiculous!

The officer should have talked to the so-called "sleeping" woman. She could have been dead or dying!

Have never heard any of our neigbours playing up this way. Glad I have'nt.

Phones have a video function, go save them from each other

I mind my own business

We lived next door to Phillis and Harry for 5 months Harry would beat up Phillis every Friday and Harry would take Phillis to too the hospital every Friday. Nothing has changed.

I understand any domestic called in, Police must attend full stop. l think if you are witnessing actions, they have a better case and prioritise the call. Witnesses to seeing what is happening is stronger than 'think you hear it'. Don't give up though, it's important the call is noted for the victims sake.

Young (inexperienced) investigators tend not to be able to tell when someone is lying. It takes years and lots of examples to know when to act and when not to. Yes, this was a bad experience but I'm pretty sure the man had assaulted his wife before and knew pretty much how to get away with it. Don't give up on the police altogether. Everybody makes mistakes sometimes and it's only experience that reduces the number of mistakes. Not everybody has 30 years experience.

next time take a vidio if possible as evidence

Officers should have checked on the lady whilst in the house. No excuses at all.

Should have called the police when she knoticed the poor woman injured. Next time that proof is right there in front of you or the neighbor that checked then give every detail to the police so they can check and more importantly know exactly WHAT to check for.

Hard to say in this case as you have said they are two young officers. The man seemed to be nice, didn't appear to be hiding anything, so can understand the police reaction.

yes for sure, I think that someone is hurt in the struggle then the police should be called in, before someone is killed, esp. if kids are involved, and yes Police has to be prepared to make sure that every one is safe

Why not check on his wife whilst in the house

Wow that's crazy in my opinion the cops should of talked to them both separately and have a female officer talk and maybe check the Lady out or recommend her going to the hospital. This is crap those police officers should also be held accountable for everything that happened to her its there job to serve and protect.

WoW! indeed - The cops should have ignored him and asked to interview them together - Yes get her in the room as well.

I would have asked him to wake her so they can speak to her also

That is ridiculous that the police officers did not check on the lady, they absolutely failed in there job and should be reported.

Seems odd that they didn't do a welfare check on the wife, pretty remiss of the officers concerned!

WOW! They shouldn't be together anymore. There isn't much I could do without knowing what's going on. I could ask her if she wants him removed, or if she has somewhere else to go, and help her get something done. So sad there's so much hate in the world now. Thank God, soon He will put an end to it, like he did in Noah's day, but not with a flood! ;-D

He sounds like a narcissist and I would call the police and get a welfare check of the lady. Narcissists always come across as so nice when they can be the complete opposite

Maybe if more than one neighbour calls the Police will take it more seriously. I wonder what would have happened if the Police had said they wanted to see her, even if she was asleep. The guy would probably get abusive with the Police even if it's just verbal

The police Are good at playing dumb.

The husband should be locked up and horsewhipped

I was called for Jury duty on a case with media restrictions (too sensitive and violent). The husband became violent in the house where he was placed with restraining orders. The wife ran outside for safety but was killed by the husband. Their 3 teenage kids had to witness the tragedy without choice. A forever scar for many ~

They were inexplicably remiss in their duties that night. Keep calling each and every time you hear anything that sounds like an escalation over there. And make sure to tell them what you have written here Simba. I only hope she will go ahead and file charges eventually if they find him at fault.. some domestic violence partners don't go through with it :(

I would have done the same, call the police. I have experienced the same from NZ police when a friend of mine had been very beaten. The police took her husband's word that she was sleeping. Yet, her 11 year old son witnessed the beating (and younger children). The 11 year old climbed out his bedroom window and went to a safe place to ring police, a few streets away. He was so terrified for his mum. If police had gone into her room and spoke to her, they would have noticed the black eyes and broken nose. It must have been so scarey for the children once police had been and gone. This was a few years ago. So it is disapointing to hear it is still happening.

The are supposed to check on the welfare of ALL occupants of the house. Cops dropped the ball entirely. Complain to superior officersEdited 12-Mar-25 10:42am

Call the police and Social Services

I would call the police every time. It is a crime to hit another person. The police should know better. The woman could have been dead! I'd put in a complaint to their station's sergeant. A senior officer should have been sent out with a younger officer and they would know to check all members of the household.Edited 12-Mar-25 10:29am

The police are as useful as tits on a bull. They have zero power to do ANYTHING including making referrals to help the elderly couple. Keep calling the police, once they find a dead body they'll have to do something

My parents have always fought like that, it's mainly my mother screaming, banging, slamming things and my dad defending himself or getting sick of it . I can't stand being around it anymore.. but I did once call the cops years ago when the neighbours upstairs were having a big one.. the woman was screaming for him to get out, but for hours he kept throwing furniture around and my ceiling was ready to give in! So I called and then there was a huge ruckus outside when the cops came, and I went out. My landlord asked if I called and I shook my head yes.. the girlfriend saw me and gave me a death stare! The landlord said he was beating her and her mother up! And she was mad at me for calling.. after that I said I'd never call again, she didn't appreciate my help and i have ended up with more domestic crap neighbors since then.. when I was younger I'd been in that situation and wished someone would've called!

Absolutely disgusting. They should have at the very least asked to see the woman even if asleep. Idiots in this instance.

Those cops seriously dropped the ball!! I just read about a man in his 70s shooting and killing his wife in her 60s. Abuse gets worse with age and time. Those cops - ALL cops - should know by now that abusers are very charming when in the company of others. He's not going to thump his wife against the wall in front of them. They should've checked on her and made sure she was okay. Some countries don't even need a complainant. If they know of abuse, or even suspect abuse, they arrest and charge the abuser then and there. Too many victims are afraid of their abusers and know it'll be worse when the abuser gets out and comes straight home.... with or without a peace bond/protection order. The stats speak volumes. I have called the police on fighting and screaming neighbours and wish someone would've called them when I was being abused and screamed at in the middle of the night and couldn't help myself. I've also helped some women make a plan and escape their abusers. I've been there and won't leave a woman in it when I know about it. Always always call the police when you hear a violent attack, an abused person - usually woman - always feel helpless and afraid. The last 2 years that I stayed with my ex was because he told me that if I ever leave him he'll hunt me down, kill the kids in front of me and then leave me alive to live with what I'd just watched him do to the kids. These creeps say whatever they have to to make you fear leaving. Please help someone who needs you and is likely praying for you to step up.Edited 12-Mar-25 09:35am

Oh dear poor police

I would be putting in a complaint to the police

Usually if you have a complaint, the Police visit you first, discuss what has happened then approach the neighbours with the information you've given them.

probably suggest to officers they investigate a bit more from what your observations have been

That is scary.

Well this is the first rodeo I’ve got to say so the husband knew to play innocent ol man and eventually I hope he got what he deserved domestic abuse is never ok ever ever ever

Sounds very bad and I would help her leave him otherwise what could happen. You would have to find out where she could go.

Have you tried to get her to leave him. I know it's hard if they have been married for years but that sounds like the best option to me. Another is to call one off the Domestic Violence help lines, explain the situation, and see if they can send someone to check on her. They know how to get into contact without raising suspicions of her husband I suspect.

I took a photo of neighbours arguing in a public area thinking there was 3 - but got bashed by the girlfriend & then the male tried - the police took out an AVO on both. Next time I'll just let them kill one another.

Your neighbour is a psychopath and knows how the system works poor lady has probably been convinced she has no other options but to stay especially when the police can be so easily deceived , keep calling them and hopefully before she ends up dead the penny will drop for those being called to help her

The beating up bogan style of people are always ready with the excuses. The worst bit is if they find out you potted them to the police, your cat will catch fire, your tyres (or tires) will be spiked or some load of rubbish will wind up on your property. So what do you do? Look after yourselves.

Obviously they didn’t do their duty if they were called by a neighbour about the neighbours fighting they had a duty of care to ask to see the other person who was said to be in bed sleeping regardless of how nice the person they were talking to was to them. They were called because of a fight and their job was to make sure everyone was all ok in the house and should have insisted on seeing that other person.

I called the police on the neighbours,they woke me screaming and fighting in the early hours..which wasn’t unusual..but that particular night the husband started slamming the wife into walls…He got taken away in a paddy wagon.

They certainly didn't do their jobs. She could have been dead. Too young, no proper supervision by experienced officers, when two young officers, without permanent appointment yet, are sent to a job like that. Many of the officers coming out of the college have no life experience and are thrown out into the real world

You never really know what goes on behind closed doors. In that incident if I had been the one to find her,or new the person who did( and believed them) I would have rung an ambulance for the lady. Once in hospital the police would have been called to investigate the incident. Hospital staff and doctors are trained to identify violent attacks even if the victim or the perpetrator try's to cover it up. I lost a good friend after finding her at her relatives house. She was unrecognisable,incoherent after a savage beating by her partner. She didn't want to go to hospital. I knew if I left her she there she probably wouldn't have survived the beating. Police were called immediately by hospital staff. She didn't want to talk to them,she was frightened. In the end she went back to her abusive partner,never spoke to me again. I feel sad for her,for our friendship lost,but I couldn't leave her like that. That's not what friends do. I hope one day she understands why I did what I did.

call them better they come than a dead person

I never call the police on anyone. Just something I learned over time. Does that mean never ever No but it had better be very serious.

Frank Zappa’s wife tape recorded their children arguing then locked them in the bathroom and played it back to them. Case closed.

I would have done what you did but i dont have to worry about things like this as I live in a small town and everyone looks after each other

Recalled the police immediately. The first attending police officers should have spoken with both parties. Domestic Violence has no age limit.

Such sadness in our world. So much anger, grief. Sick people.

Should have asked to meet with the woman.

I do not know

In the case of what is potentially a domestic violence case, the police should have spoken to both parties. To not speak to the woman, just because the man seemed nice is gross misconduct. This is how people die at the hands of their partners, when the people that are there to protect you fail at doing their job. This is incomprehensible. I would call the police, and explain what you've just told us. Thank you for calling, most people turn a blind eye. Having been in this situation before, I wish someone like you had come to my aid. You did a good thing to help someone in need, so I commend you for doing the right thing.

You did the right thing. I've seen where fights went on and no police were called. It didn't end well

When they are called they should speak to both people. I think those two need more training!!!! What a shame!!!

I think u did the right thing I don’t think u could have done much more

give them boxing gloves

I think you did the right thing. Our stupid neighbor used to fight in the driveway. It was more of the current girlfriend starting everything. Cops came multiple times finally she left.

You did the right thing by calling the police. If they start again, record as much as you can with cell phone. Don't risk yourself to record it but do what you can. Hope it doesn't take the wife getting seriously hurt or killed before the police do anything. Good luck. Be safe.

Get a tape recorder and play it back to them when there having a family reunion.Gotta fight fire with fire.

If they fight a lot the cops would separate the two and there would be a history report, cops should check on both or more parties not just one. Would I step in? Absolutely... turning a blind eye is why so many domestic cases end up in tragedy.

They should have talked to her

I think those two cops slacked off BADLY! Good on you for making the initial call. I'd phone the copshop & complain about the two cops who attended & relate what your other neighbour (the one who checked on the elderly lady) reported to you about the woman's condition. I've had to report neighbours, too - I did it anonymously, in case of recriminations.

Simba you seem very interested in this other family's private affairs. You say you were watching from your house but heard the offer of coffee for the policeman ! How close are your houses that you can hear what is being said, using a normal voice, I imagine, inside another home. I guess you must be hiding in the bushes or under a window. You say they are elderly but there are many other questions about their relationship that needs to be known before answering your question. Many details are not included in your story or question. What did the police see or decide to do? For now I would just say MYOB. Would you want neighbors up in your business?Edited 12-Mar-25 06:43am

I have learned the hard way in life to most of the time mind my own business unless i perceived immediate harm a possibility

For years we on our 1-block cul-de-sac had to listen to our next-door neighbors fight--and they had some real doozies. If you listened closely, you could hear windows all over the place being opened...so people could hear better. :)

Unfortunately the law cannot intervene until something happens. Are there family members of these people that can be contacted before something tragic happens?