Interesting

if you are in a true friendship, you wouldn't need to ask this question, there is no effort needed for true friends,, make a list of the people you are talking about, then put forth this scenario, it is 2:30am, it is snowing and you are broke down in your car and it's below freezing out, which one of them folks will drive the 30 miles to get to you and say,,, "i'll be right there", that ONE that says that, is your friend, easier ways to determine, but that right there should always be the question you should ask yourself,, hope this helps you,Edited 28-Oct-24 09:42am

I have had two situations and even though we renewed our friendship I refused the third time. I finally learnt not to trust them again

Its never good or bad in a friendship but if someone tries to to change the way you behave that’s when One should draw a line

DO NOT JUMP INTO A FRIENDSHIP FAST GO VERY SLOW AND KNOW THE PERSON VERY WELL AND MANY DIF.WAYS and😃 OF LUCK

I have two friends

I’m in a similar situation and I stopped going to the last few things but was polite and then start seeing things on fb I’m not invited too. Honestly I felt one person was driving me out. You could softly confront the person you are closest too in the group. I did and I got the run around so I knew then these people were a chapter in my book not there to be anymore of my story.Edited 26-Oct-24 22:07pm

give them what you think they want and leave them out. Now see if they contact you to come back or see if you were right. If you were right then you didn't need them anyway and can now find what you want in new friend or acquaintances. Time is more valuable than you think and don't need to spend it on what you don't need anyway!

I would look for other friends.

I like myself.

The fact that you have to ask the question tells me you have very low self esteem issues. You are clinging onto something that isn't there. Move on and find real friends but do not push them for friendship, everyone has boundaries and you maybe pushing those which makes people weary and question whether they want you as a friend or not. Let it happen naturally. Not everyone is going to be your friend but may be a friendly aquaintance. There is a big difference between the two.

As I got older my close friends all passed away before me and I said to my young grandson all my friends are dying his response was "Well grandma get younger friends" lol

They honestly do not sound like TRUE friends to me. I would have a really hard think. I personally are only interested in TWO WAY friends. Probably time to start being a bit cool to some of them. Have a look on POOH and PIGLET website .... some fantastic quotes on there about true friendship. Edited 26-Oct-24 18:09pm

I have 2 friends dating back to the sixties both of whom I lost touch with but was able to track them down. However, it's always up to me to maintain the friendship, one even sent me an email telling me her New Years Resolution was to be a better friend, and that was the last I heard from her despite my emailing and leaving messages on her phone. I decided I would give up as my friendship didn't really seem to matter to her. The other friend is a busy woman and she will answer my emails but that's all, which is fine. If we are ever in the same city at the same time we'll catch-up. I think you need to decide how valuable these friendships are to you and if the answer is "not very" I suggest you find other friends because I'm certain there are better friends out there.

You need to ditch that friend group! Surround yourself with positive, caring, giving, compassionate and kind people who will embrace and appreciate you

They are NOT friends!

everyone doesn't like everyone. Don't try to push yourself into a friendship. It has to come naturally.

I've moved around quite often during my working life within NSW and even though I've lived 25 years in my current residence, I find you don't make true friends very easily as you age , it's enough if you can enjoy some that share your interests in life.

Sounds like my 55 year old daughter. She always had time for friends, but the only time I saw her was when she needed something, like filling in for her at her job, taking care of my sick granddaughter, or help cleaning her home. I thought she was my 'friend' but, after reconnecting after 10 years of silence (she reached out to me), I've been ghosted again! I'm so done as far as reaching out to her. If she emails (never calls) I'll respond, but I'm done going out of my way to only be rejected again. As for your friends, talk to them about your concern. Life's too short to wait! ;-D

I couldn't care less if they want to be friends or not

yes everyone Michael

Could be. I find I never have to put effort in to friendship. It's just there.

If they are shutting you out I would take that as a huge hint. Move on and go somewhere you can meet new people. I have had friends for over 60 years and others for 20-30 years but I have moved on from a lot also. You can pick your friends.

Maybe, Maybe. Just goes to show that RUDENESS is alive and well. It hasn't been tamed by the world today. The only other so called friends, that we can all live without are those known as 'Fair weather' bodies. These are the parasites who only are around because they can see that you can help them. A great example of this is to borrow money from etc...

Yes

Of course it is. Dump them and dump them now and find some new ones.

Yeah, if they can find time for each other I would take that as a broad, not-so-subtle hint that you don't really matter to them. There will always be times when other things take priority in a friendship, but where they are already showing that they are having time for socialising and not including you, I would say look elsewhere for friendship. If they notice that you are no longer there, and reach out, then maybe reconsider ... as long as you also reconsider why they are reaching out; i.e. do they need something or are they feeling guilty? Move on, and good luck, but do some things for yourself as well; in doing that you may well find others who value your company.

There was a message on Facebook the other day. To quote.FRIENDSHIP isn’t about came first. It’s about who came and never left.

True friends don’t treat one another like that. Go find some true friends.

Of course it's a hint. "Real Friends" won't abandon you. Drop these dogs and look for real friend.

My girlfriend abandoned me when she came into money, but before that she was struggling and my partner helped her out by lending her money to pay her mortgage. Not a very nice person to do that to us. So, I don't speak to her anymore.

Haha

I share my opinion how its going to be further than I m going to give up my self

Lucky you. You get to stay home and not be bothered by so-called "friends".

I assume you are Victoria/ Victor, putting so much effort for maintaining a friendship. You did your part. Let's make them happy. Find other acquaintances. That way you feel good not putting down yourself

I had a friend for 30 years and i told her a few truths and now she is not my friend they never want to hear the truth

Worse… you’re invisible. Relegate them to acquaintances and find some friends who love you

Seems as though you have put enough effort in already. Life is too short to waste on them, they are obviously not "friends" at all. I'm sure there are others out there who will be much nicer.

Take the hint. You could be missing out on someone else not far from you who could be a real friend

Yep

Yep there's only so far & then you've got to cut your losses even if its family!

Dont you realise they are not friends? Find real friends these are not

Yeah well I would certainly take a hint, play hard to get and if they don't see that there is some thing wrong then they are not true friends. I walked away from a friend because some one said she was using me and I remained her friend until she promised me some thing really important and then she never followed through with her promise which just gutted me. I was extremely hurt and I have never spoken to her since. Sadly as we had been friends for over 30 years. I miss her but I am better off with out friends like that.

Read the tea leaves. Friendships evolve. Don't take it personally.

Talk, communicate, clear the air. Then decide. Change my mind bad friends are better than new friends/partner trying to scam, steel or use you for personal gain.Edited 26-Oct-24 10:18am

Depends on how long you have been fiends for I recently walked away from a person I have known for over 50 years and have not looked back because they have turned into an idiot and are involved in a Cult because they think that they have found the answer to Life the Universe and everything GOD when they are just nothing more than a fool who has been taken in by Hill song and are telling them that they can do no wrong till their money runs out.

Yep. Take the hint and move on. Don’t waste your time with people who only look after themselves. You can do better and deserve better. Move on.

friendship just happens if you get along with each other thats a friendship Ive had a friend now for over 70 years and even though we now live4 in different countries we still keep in contact

People cross our paths for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When we recognize which it is, it's easier to understand why some relationships/friendships do not lastEdited 26-Oct-24 11:07am

Maybe Maybe not in your situation Vic. However, a spontaneous friendship can be easily identified. All the parties involved will definitely have some communication among them, specially sharing intimate moments. If a relationship is strained maybe due to many reasons. I would be taking it as it comes! Why would I want to burden myself over indifferent friends (if I feel that way)!

True friends will always reach out to you, they know when you are hurting before you even say anything. Just tell the dags to f off..lifes too short

Stop worrying Vic you have friends on Rewardia

Move on and find some real ones.

I guess it all depends on certain situations. If something unexpected or a horrible event occurs the "so called" friends that are there to comfort you and be there are true friends. As they say if you can count how many friends you have on one hand then your life is full. Good Luck.

Hi Vic,honestly that's up to you.Do you feel welcome,valued when you are together,or do you feel on the outer,like your missing something?.Not knowing hiw long you have all known each other I would like you to consider if your friend group were friends before you came along,or if they individually had supported each other through a difficult time in their life as this tends to develop a closeness and trust beyond a normal long term friendship. Or have your group interests changed over time? Like whether you all are in relationships or single ,have children?. Either way if you feel left out ,or not connecting on a deeper level than other members of the group you can either,..let it go ,not all friends are in your life forever...or express how you feel and hope for an honest response...or try a last ditch effort at fortifying your friendship by organising a group outing or activity. Something that will align with your groups interests. Put some effort into making it special. Activity's together make memories of fun times as a group. If they ditch you,or find excuses not to be involved then they aren't the friends you hoped they would be.

Yes

I put in an effort for 30 years and it has taken me that long to realize it was all one sided

It depends when people become petty and mean I would avoid after an appropriate amount of time.

I have a lot of friends andwe all keep in touch even when we live a long way from each other so if they are true friends they are always there for you if they are not giving you the time then they are not true friends

TY, KAT....

Some people do, some people don’t! Leave behind those who don’t.

It is not easy when you feel like an outsider in a group of friends. Maybe you need a group of friends who do make time for you. If you feel up to it, you could send each friend a letter outlining your concerns and see if any of them respond. In this situation, there is no easy answer.

I'm a 3 strikes and your cast out person. Your loss if you don't like me, no loss to me as the most important person in my life likes me and they're my only benchmark.

Friends can have episodes of being annoyed or upset with you.Find out what you have done and then let them communicate with you and if they do not get back to you let it be.I am having this issue with a really good friend of mine at the moment.She reckons that I said some really hurtful things to her I was going through stress with the passing of one of my daughters so tried to explain this to her and repeatedly said I was sorry.Hopefully she can forgive me and we can get our friendship back on track

I put a lot of effort into a relationship that way you get good benefits at the end

I always put in effort in a friendship but as soon as it turns one sided I’m checked out why should I have to give it my all for them to give nothing in return

with great friends, there is no effort, in my experience, you just do it because you want to, however with great effort comes great reward, it really does come down to how you feel, no one else

It is up to you. If you feel that they are not putting in any effort, try giving them a period of time to contact you. If they don't try to check on you, give up. I make it a rule to contact my sister and brother regularly so that we don't drift apart.

My true loyal friends are my husband, my sons, my brother, and then I have acquaintances, this works for me…

maybe try to find a new hobby so that you may find friends within that interest.

I would be moving on. Find an activity where you can meet new people. Edited 28-Oct-24 05:04am

it should not be an effort, it should just happen naturally or pitter out. I think "friendship" itself has a nomadic nature, so just go with the flow and allow others to have your friendship for if they seek you out then they must want you!

Are there any in the group you get along with when it's just the two of you? Maybe you have a friend or two in that group, but the majority of them have hurt you enough for you to move on from them. I wish you well:)

HELLO Mary, ty

As long as it takes

Like Mary M said, find new friends. Hopefully better than the rude ones you have.

I don't know. Find new friends I guess.

tyvm cher...!

hi ty Tracey

Follow your gut feeling. Could be a subliminal message.

from what you have said, that's a big hint, you should move on and meet people you can relate too

From the scant details you provided in your scenario - I WOULD 'definitely' take it as a hint you are 'definitely not' wanted in this clique - time to MOVE ON and not look BACK!Edited 26-Oct-24 03:56am

I would just move on, sometimes people show you who they are

That's a clue they're not really your friends!

I would be wondering the same. I think you shouldn't put any effort if they don't. I had friends but as soon as I met my partner, they all disappear. Now, were they ever my friends. I don't think so. U should consider the same thing. If you also think they are worth it, maybe talk to them and don't hold back.

u got it

Yup

Sounds like your so called friends are all a little one sided. If I was in the same situation as you I would move on and find myself a really nice friend.

Every one wants friends Yes it takes work.

Hard to say. Are you trying too hard? Not everyone wants to become your new best friend.

That is sad. Some humans are pure garbage.

sounds like it!

Although I very rarely instigate get togethers or social outings I do have a few friends with which I usually meet up with for coffee, luncheons or the cinema. To be excluded must be very hurtful.

Sorry but I think this is mostly a female thing...as a guy....if I had a group of friends that never had time for me...then I don't have any friends....having friends should never be an effort...if its an effort don't waste your time...make some new friends...you are supposed to enjoy having friends....does that make sense?...

It could be.

Try honestly communicating your concerns and how you feel the friendships are unbalanced. Friendships should provide support and respect. Wish you a good resolution with this situation.

I've always struggled with friendships and not having the mental energy into maintaining them. Consequently, I don't bother anymore. I have my SO and colleagues from work and that's it. Problem solved.